by Julie Ann Connelly
The Secret
Although my outward appearance may look the same, I am no longer the person I once was. I have known despair. I have known heartache. I know what it is like to be at death’s door, knocking, wanting to be let in, not wanting to stay alive because the pain inside was too great to endure. My despair has dissipated. My depression has faded. I am no longer angry. My heart is now open to give and receive love. I am happy and content. The abundance I now have in my life is difficult to put into words, but it is obviously there and it is overflowing.
Through some miracle, God sent me to find this small little book that I can hold in my hands. This powerful book of wisdom has changed my life in a way that before reading it, I never thought was possible. I am so grateful that someone was able to put into words, information that finally broke through my sick and unhealthy way of thinking. I am so thankful that a book, a small tiny book packed with invaluable information, somehow had the power to allow me to finally break through this concrete barrier I had enclosed around myself. The concrete is gone. It is now mere dust. I am free.
My life before The Secret
I don’t really remember the exact date this illness began. The illness was very slow and methodical. It took its time. It was calculating. It was cunning. It did not appear all at once. One day I felt fine and the next, an explosive panic attack that would leave me exhausted in its wake would occur.
My mind, not my physical body, was not healthy; it was not generating healthy thoughts. The inconsistencies with the anxiety and panic attacks left me vulnerable, fearful that another attack would occur at any place and time. I was embarrassed. I was confused. I began to live in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of not understanding why this was happening to me. Angry that it was happening at all. My life, as I knew it, was being taken away from me, and I did not understand why.
I can now see the truth. The truth is that I, Julie Ann, who was experiencing anxiety and panic attacks, who would eventually embrace major depression with open arms, was ill and out of balance. There was something gravely wrong, but it was not at the physical level as most would have you believe. It was greater. It was my mind, my thoughts. It was the way I looked at the world. It was the negative energy I was putting into the Universe. It was the constant worrying thoughts of, why me? What have I done to deserve this? Why is this happening to me? Why am I sick? Why am I so angry with God for doing this to me?
For over four years, I lived in this manner. I could no longer work, let alone leave my home. I could not function. I required assistance with daily living tasks. I was alive, but I was not living. I know what it feels like to live in hell on a daily basis.
I could write about the illness and the symptoms that consumed me. However, they are now forgotten, and I no longer wish to live my life in the past. I wish to live in the present where my life is now so incredible that I wake up every morning and thank God for allowing me to have another glorious day.
There are many individuals who do not understand anxiety, panic attacks, or depression. I will provide an analogy of what my life was like on a daily basis. Perhaps this will help you understand the absolute madness that surrounds this disease:
Morning was slowly approaching. The beautiful yellow sun was beginning to peek through the clouds. I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. A slight breeze was gently filtering the room, and the smell of salt water permeated my senses. I could hear the sound of seagulls and the hypnotic melody of ocean waves. It was pure bliss.
I opened my eyes and found that I was trapped in a large hole dug in the sand. As I lay on the floor of the hole looking upward, I realized that the hole was deep, and it was impossible for me to climb out of it. I could hear people playing volleyball on the beach, jet skiing, talking to their children, and enjoying the day. I screamed and I screamed. “Can anybody hear me? I am trapped in this nightmare of a hole. Help me! God, please help me!”
A volleyball teetered on the edge of the hole. “Oh God, please let the ball fall into this hole so someone will see that I am trapped down here.” An individual grabbed the volleyball and looked in my direction, but I appeared to be invisible. “No one can see me. I do not matter.”
I decide to climb out of this hell, and I put one foot into the side of the wall of sand. I dig my hands in the sand above my head. I hold on tightly. I insert my other foot only to fall farther down than when I started. I try again and yet, nothing. I cannot escape my torturous surroundings.
I give up. I tell myself that tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow, someone will finally notice me and will send help. Tomorrow, I will be rescued. The truth is that no one will rescue me, and I know this. I am tired. I decide to go back to sleep, for in sleep is where I find my only source of solace. As I drift off to sleep, I pray to God to take my life for this is not a life worth living. I pray that I will not wake up and will stop living this unworthy existence.
My life transformed after introduction to The Secret
One night, like many, I was unable to sleep. I was tired of tossing and turning in my bed and decided to watch television. I live in the Chicago area, and The Oprah Winfrey Show is always televised a second time in the late evenings. I viewed the end of a show in which a panel of guests was talking about a book titled The Secret. The guests were so excited, jubilant, and passionate about the information they were sharing. One guest began discussing her “vision board” and the positive influence it had on her life. I had heard about a vision board before but never gave it much thought. To be fairly honest, I listened to what these individuals were saying but never gave it much further thought. I was too wrapped up in my own little world of misery.
The information regarding The Secret instantly became explosive. It seemed as if everyone was talking about this book and the Law of Attraction. My thoughts initially were, “Whatever! Just another book solicited on The Oprah Winfrey Show that will be forgotten within a couple of months.”
On another sleepless night, I could find nothing on television that warranted my attention. I decided to log on to my computer, and for some unknown reason I went to The Oprah Show Web site. I was immediately drawn to the past show archives and opened the transcripts for the show on The Secret. As I started to read, I became interested in the information. I quickly printed the pages and sat in my bed and read them over and over again.
I believe that our souls have the innate ability to know truths. At that very moment, while reading the transcripts, my soul instantly knew that what I held in my hand was absolute, pure, and perfect truth. I sat reading and crying as tears of emotion flowed down my face. These emotions were, without any doubt, locked up inside me for many years. These pages of typed information were breaking through this concrete barrier I had enclosed around myself. The concrete was fracturing and falling in little pieces, one by one, to the ground. As the concrete hit the ground, it became mere dust.
I am free. I am finally free.
My life after embracing The Secret
The morning after I read the transcripts, I awoke to watch the sun rise. I sat on the grass in my backyard and allowed myself to breathe in the true beauty of the Universe. It was peaceful and quiet, and I could hear the sweet sound of the birds singing. I closed my eyes and said to God:
“Thank you. I am happy and content. I am a beautiful and precious human being. I am part of a delightful, outstanding family. I have good, courageous, and caring friends. I have a home to live in, a bed to sleep in, blankets to keep me warm, running water, electricity, heat and air conditioning, and I live in a town that is friendly and peaceful. I am surrounded by abundance. There is abundance in every avenue of my life. I am so incredibly blessed. Thank you, God, for allowing me to finally see the joy that has always been in my life.”
This particular morning was the day I allowed myself to come out of the darkness. I knew my current state of depression and fear was my choice. I knew, as I never knew before, that I alone could cure myself of this disease by making a conscious choice to alter my thought process. From this day forward, I told myself I was healthy. If a family member or friend would say they were sorry I had endured a long-term illness, I would immediately correct them and say, “I am healthy. I am happy. I am whole.”
I believe when we have predominant, recurring thoughts, whether negative or positive, these thoughts create crevices in our brain that allow for the ease of negativity or positivity to prevail in our mind. My challenge was to create new crevices for positive thoughts to flow while minimizing the large crevices where negativity flowed easily and freely. It was as if I was blazing a new trail to walk where I had never walked before. I knew there would be fresh grass to walk on, branches to move out of the way, and trees to duck under, but it would be my new, exquisite, and strong trail.
I would like to tell you that my journey from illness to optimal health was easy, but I cannot. Every day, every second, when I start to slip into old habits, I must stop myself and reprogram my thoughts into my new way of thinking. I must walk on my new trail. Some days it is reasonably challenging. Other days, it is fairly easy.
Regardless of the ease or difficulty, the change I have experienced is immeasurable. I glow. I radiate from the inside out. I smile and I laugh. I am in complete happiness. Bliss. Sheer and absolute bliss. I feel comfortable with people. All people. Family, friends, and perfect strangers. I no longer hide in my house. I no longer hide from myself. Fear no longer controls me. That word is no longer in my vocabulary.
The only thing that stands between us and what we want in life is the will to try it and the faith to believe it is possible. The Law of Attraction is not only possible; it is more correctly stated as complete truth. Our words move us, and we are responsible for our words. This seemingly simple law will make such a tremendous difference in your life that you will be in complete amazement. Believe in the Law of Attraction and move forward. Be as God has intended for you to be.
Every day I wake up early to watch the sunrise, and I thank God for blessing me with another day of life. If you knew me, you would know I am truly honored that you are reading my story and are trying to understand how the Law of Attraction can change your life. More than likely, I have never met you face to face, but if I could have one wish, it would be for you to experience nothing but good health, happiness, prosperity, and a life surrounded by those who love you. May you be blessed in ways you never thought possible.
Message: In the United States of America, depression has become an epidemic. Anti-depressant drugs are being prescribed in record levels, and nevertheless, individuals are still living in a depressed state. Stop. Change your thought process and change your life. The change is not always easy. It requires work, but the abundance and goodness that will flow into your life is miraculous!
Julie Ann Connelly lives in Ottawa, Illinois, a very small town west of Chicago. She loves photography, gardening, reading, and dedicating one weekend of every month to some sort of volunteer work. She also absolutely loves to perform random acts of kindness. But more than anything, she enjoys spending time with her family and friends.
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