Victim Mentality... And How to Move Beyond it!

By Aine Belton

Whenever you are blaming someone you are in victim. You are denying responsibility for your reality, which most certainly disempowers YOU!

You are also getting off on self-righteous anger at another who ‘did you wrong', which is detrimental to both of you.

Now, there's nothing bad wiith anger per se, or hurt, or having feelings. They are part of the human experience, and can have positive aspects even.

It's important to honour and process your emotions ‘cleanly' through feeling them, writing them down perhaps, communicating them to a 'neutral' person or loved one, or communicating them *without blame of judgment* to the person involved in the situation.

Blaming someone is not only disempowering, it is actually laced with punishment.

If you desire to make another wrong and play the role of innocent victim you will seek out situations, people and circumstances on some level where you will be mistreated to justify your victim position.

It is a somewhat twisted way of venting anger from past grievances. When you release blame and your need for it, when you heal and release angers and hurts, when you forgive yourself and others, you no longer create or attract realities that lead to re-living those painful or limiting states.

If you harbor anger or resentment about something that was done in the past, one way that anger may be unhealthily expressed in your present if it has not been released, is by being a victim to similar situations.

In this way you vent your anger and re-live what is unresolved from the past, blaming someone in the present for your pain, where it is most often hurt, anger and disappointment from the past you are trying to vindicate.

Self-pity lies at the root of many issues, failures and problems. Where there is pity as a payoff, there are realities that generate it. The more pity you have in your life, the more problems will be there.

As a child, pity had the function of numbing pain. It was a way of coping, yet as we become adults it can still hold its grip and it can be very addictive.

Pity is the 'big daddy' of negative emotions and immensely destructive. People use problems in their reality as excuses for pity. What they fail to realize is that those problems are there because of the hidden pay-off for pity, and the blame and self-righteous anger that accompanies it.

When you are free of self-pity, it is hard to experience life as anything but love-filled and graceful and full of gifts waiting to be received.

Love cleanses the murky lenses of perception to reveal the true, beautiful and bountiful nature of reality and the love the universe has for you in every moment.

Pity and love cannot co-exist in the same space, hence love is a fantastic antidote to pity! Another antidote for pity is to ask for help. If you're feeling sorry for yourself, ask or help (without whining begging or pleading!) and be open to receive .

When you're immersed in pity it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. You can feel very justified about your position and can forget that it is the glue of pity that is holding your problems in place.

Let go of pity and your life will transform. Love and success can re-enter your life.

There are many ways to spot victim and blame and nip it in the bud. One great way is to keep an eye on any complaining! Complain, and you'll get more of the same! If something isn't working for you, attempt to resolve it, and if it still isn't working, let it go.

Shift your focus from problems, to solutions and desired outcomes!

Other steps for moving beyond victim are below:

* Take responsibility for your life with compassion, understanding that at the deepest level you create or allow all experience, whether consciously or not. This is the key to freedom and empowerment. Own your power as a creator.

* Forgive others, and forgive yourself for creating or allowing an experience where you felt victimized. Know that you can change this.

* Love, love, love. Choose love. Know that you are loved, loving and loveable ever and always, however separate you may feel from that love, it is always there for you. Start by knowing this, and opening to receive, in meditation, through intention, and by looking at the positive and beautiful things in your reality that are wanting to be noticed and the blessings and opportunities that are wanting to come to you.

And love yourself. The more you love and value yourself, the less you will sabotage things through victim scenarios. The more you love yourself, the less you will need to seek vindication externally.

Love and self-pity don't co-exist. In the space of love you'll not be tempted to go into blame and victim, hence it can free you from such states.

* Gratitude can transform problem areas and situations in a magical way. To do this, in any challenging or problem area (such as one that is causing you pain, anguish, fear, or stress), or in this case, one in which you feel victimized, look to anything you can feel grateful for in the person/ situation/circumstance surrounding it.

Look to what is positive, light, or what can become such from the situation.

This is not the same as being grateful for the situation per se, which is unrealistic if it is one that you are unhappy with, but it will pick out any gems, augment light, dispel darkness, and help to transmute and transform the experience, helping to vanquish the problem and aiding in a new perspective that will help to unhinge negative energy that may be keeping it alive.

To help with this, you can try asking yourself any of the questions below:

- What lessons have I learned?

- What gifts have I received or have come from this person or situation that could be of benefit to me?

- How might my life be better for this, and if not right now, in the future?

- Have I become stronger, or wiser, or have the potential for doing so, through this situation?

- How has this challenge helped me discover more about myself, or build resolve?

- What positive qualities or experiences has this person or situation exhibited at any other time that I can be grateful for?

- Am I now incentivized to change (for which I can feel grateful)?

- What positive qualities have I demonstrated in dealing with this challenge (that I can feel grateful to myself for)?

* The ‘Willow' Bach Flower Remedy (from the Willow tree), is a flower essence remedy that works to heal and dissipate issues of victim, self-pity and martyr, where you feel hard-done-by and resentful of suffering life circumstances past or present.