When your child wants to play ball in the house
and they knock something over. Instead of punishing
or yelling, first cool yourself down and then ask them to go outside.
-When your child wants to climb on the furniture.
Prop some pillows up with an old mattress instead.
Or encourage them to climb in the trees.
-When your child wants to pull on the cat's tail,
see if they want to play tug of war instead.
-When your child starts mushing their food around,
put them at the sink with water and toys.
The thing to remember is that if your child has an idea that
you don't like, they don't need to be reprimanded for it.
Often times their ideas come from a sincere desire to learn and
explore the world. If you punish them for this, you will teach
them to be less confident, less independent, and harm their
natural sense of self-esteem.
By talking to them in a respectful and mature way, you will
not only foster their confidence and self-esteem, but you will
also teach them to talk to you in a respectful and mature way.
Since children model what you do.
By getting upset at them, they feel bad about themselves
and act out later. It becomes a vicious cycle.
An alternative is an excellent way to treat your child with respect
and at the same time allows them to be part of the decision making
process. If one alternative doesn't work for them offer another.
This has happened countless times with our son. I offer
him one thing and he says no, I get frustrated, but keep my cool and
offer him another. Then he happily agrees. He's waiting for
something that's closer to the learning he needs to do.
For example, he's trying to hammer a nail in to the floor,
I offer him some wood and he isn't interested. I then offer
him Styrofoam and he's excited and ready to work.
Try this the next time your child does something you don't want them to...
First, EVALUATE the situation and think of an alternative.
Refrain from getting upset at your child and just offer them something else
right away. Make it clear in your tone of voice, and in a loving manner,
that they need to select an alternative because their present actions aren't
acceptable for you.
Try this out a few times over the next week and notice how your child behaves differently.
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