My Advice to You

As I sat with my coaching client (let's call him Mike), I sensed an energetic frustration. He knew what he wanted to do and he was excited for the journey, but he didn't know how to get there. However, he also knew that he could no longer be just expensive manual labor, trading his time for money in his business of training professional athletes.

Unfortunately, in addition to not knowing exactly how to get started, he also suffered from a case of perfectionism, which I know also stops a lot of Early to Rise readers from brining their products to market. So I shared with him my story of how I got started online.

It all began in 2001 in my bedroom. I was sharing a house in the High Park area of Toronto with my best friend since childhood and a girl we knew from our hometown. At the time I was a personal trainer and I'd started to dabble in creating workout programs and selling them online to clients who found me through the Menshealth.com website.

However, I was just selling programs manually through paypal. A prospect would email me with interest, I'd recommend the best program for them, they'd send me a paypal payment, and I would email the program in return. Eventually I created a cheap, ugly website that automated this system and I was off to the races with my Turbulence Training for Fat Loss program.

But I wasn't making a lot of money at first. Here's why. I've always been impatient, and in this case, my vice was a blessing. When my ugly, automated site was created, I immediately began selling Turbulence Training for $9.95. That's not a typo. It was just nine dollars and ninety-five cents. But it was an incredible value and some of the people who bought in those first few weeks remain customers to this very day.

I should mention though, that the product lacked several key features, such as exercise photos and detailed explanations. For many people, not having these elements would be a good enough reason to procrastinate on selling the product. However, I truly believe that getting my product out there at a low price - even though it was incomplete - was the right thing to do.

By doing so, I built momentum. The day I launched this cheap product, I received 20-30 orders in just a few hours. Imagine how that would feel to a 27-year old kid just getting started online. It was like I had won the lottery. In hindsight, I wouldn't have changed anything. I truly believe it is essential to get your product to market as fast as possible, even if you sell it at a ridiculously low price as I did.

Years later my actions were validated by Internet Marketing legend, Yanik Silver. As a member of Yanik's mastermind group, he sent me a copy of his book, "34 Maverick Business Rules", and this rule in particular really hit home:

"Get your idea out there as fast as possible even if it's not quite ready by setting your must-hit deadlines. Let the market tell you if you have a winner or not. If not - move on and fail forward fast! If it's got potential - then you can make it better." - Yanik Silver, Maverick Business Rule #10
Eventually, I added in all of the missing elements (from photos to videos) and increased the price of my product gradually up to $39.95. Each time a major update was done, the new version would be shipped to all past customers and I'd increase the price by ten dollars. This also allowed me to re-launch the product to my non-buyer list as a new and improved version of Turbulence Training.

Each time I did so, I made sure to stick to another rule that Yanik would later share with me, and this was:

"Strive to create 10x - 100x in value for any price you charge. Your rewards are always proportionate to the value you provide." - Yanik Silver, Maverick Business Rule #2
Being impatient, cheap, and eager to please served me well during the first 18 months of my online business. I continued to get the products out there as fast as possible, with minimal expense, all while giving my customers a great value. I still, to this day use the same $200 desk purchased at Ikea, even though it's wobbly and some of the drawers don't shut, I run my business by one more of Yanik's rules:

"Seek to minimize start-up risk but have maximum upside potential." - Yanik Silver, Maverick Business Rule #8

As I finished up the tale of my online startup, the big picture seemed much clearer to my client. His goal was to create a front-end product as fast as possible, making sure it delivered 10-100 times the value to his customers, and to get it out as soon as he could, whereby letting his customers give him feedback and point out any errors or omissions.

He doesn't need to wait on making it perfect.

We all know Microsoft doesn't. Even Apple products come with a few glitches. And no product is ever really perfect.

So get your product finished. Bring it to the market. Fail forward fast if necessary. Improve it and re-release version 2.0.

After all, there's someone out there in pain because you haven't released your solution for their problem. Each day you wait for perfection means only pain and problems for them.

I think you'll agree that it's more important to help someone the best you can right now, then to wait until the help you can offer is perfect. Because if you wait, that day will never come.

Get started now,

Craig Ballantyne
Editor
Early to Rise

"It's got to be a big idea that you, your team and your customers can "get" in seconds." - Yanik Silver, Maverick Business Rule #1

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My Advice to Young People

By Robert Murphy
Over the last few years I've been freely dispensing financial advice to young people. I usually preface my remarks by saying, "I feel funny telling you what to do with your life, but since I'm bald you know I'm older and that I worry a lot." In the present article I'll summarize my recommendations. I am comfortable reproducing them for wide distribution, because they are conservative tips that would be appropriate in any setting, but are particularly important given my dire views on the Western economies.

Save More
It's common knowledge that if a person has the wisdom and discipline to save for the future, then he or she can eventually enjoy a permanently higher standard of living. However, it's useful to look at a numerical example -- such as the one I detail in chapter 10 of my introductory textbook -- to see just how significant a higher savings rate can be, on a person's future income. As Albert Einstein reputedly remarked, the most powerful force in the universe is compound interest.

Incidentally, people shouldn't feel guilty about saving more, notwithstanding the handwringing coming from mainstream economists. As I explain in my book, everybody can increase his or her standard of living through saving. In other words, it's not the case that if Alice makes a better future for herself by saving a higher fraction of her income, then there must be some Bruce out there who is going deeper into debt and will suffer a lower standard of living in the future. Society really can save and invest "on net", in the sense that everybody can obtain claims to a growing stockpile of capital goods that make workers more productive.

In the current recession, it's actually more important than ever that people save more. Contrary to Keynesian warnings, if households and firms save more, they will actually speed the general economic recovery.

Develop Multiple Streams of Income
When people hear the advice to save more, they typically think that they should stop going out to lunch, and instead bring a bologna sandwich to work or school. Although one obvious way to save more each month is to reduce frivolous expenditures, that's not the main thing I have in mind.

If a person really wants to start socking away a lot more each month, the best avenue is to boost his income, not cut spending. Particularly for young people (my target audience), there may not be that much room to cut. However, there's no limit on how much (in principle) someone can earn.
Don't misunderstand me. By all means, if a 22-year-old with no steady income is making huge payments on a sports car and rent in a posh neighborhood, then obviously it would be very prudent to move to a cheaper place and to switch to a boring vehicle with 80,000 miles on it. Yet even after plucking such low-hanging fruit, everybody -- especially young people -- should start brainstorming about how to bring in more income.

Notice here that I don't simply mean someone who currently works in an office should consider working nights as a waitress. In fact, that's not primarily what I have in mind. Instead, I think young people should consider a host of entrepreneurial ventures. Rather than looking for other bosses, young people should become their own bosses, at least in a few limited areas.

To some people this suggestion may sound intimidating. But notice that plenty of young people are entrepreneurs and they don't even realize it: Anybody who babysits or cuts lawns for neighbors is an entrepreneur. Such kids have to find customers (usually through word-of-mouth) and provide a service for which they get directly paid. That's what an entrepreneur does.

When I have mentioned this recommendation in public settings, sometimes students ask me what sorts of businesses they should start. The short answer is, "I don't know; that's what you need to figure out." The entrepreneur looks around and identifies a product or service that people currently lack but would be willing to pay for, in such amounts as it would be worth the entrepreneur's money and effort to provide it.

The reader should keep in mind that I'm not saying a person needs to brainstorm until finding "it," the fantastic idea that will eventually make someone rich. On the contrary, it's worthwhile doing all sorts of different ventures, so long as each one is self-contained and doesn't threaten to absorb too much time. It may take a lot of trial and error to gain the skills, confidence, and knowledge of customer demand before finding something really profitable.

As with all of my recommendations in this article, generating multiple sources of income is always a wise thing. However, in the present environment it is critical. Even someone who currently has a "good, steady job" can't be sure of his position even a year from now. A young person who inculcates that weekend business now, can expand the business in the unfortunate event of a layoff. But if that same young person, who has always (say) thought of starting a dog-walking service, tries to do so next year when the unemployment rate shoots up to 12 percent, she will be competing with that many more people. It's much better to get a fledgling business established now, during the weekends or other days off, so that the owner will already have a solid base of customers when the economy slumps again.

To reiterate, my advice is not to try to save more by looking at the monthly budget and saying, "Well, this is how much I make, and so if I cut back here, here, and here, then I can afford to put aside $250 more per month." No, I would much rather a person say, "If I cut back here, I can free up another $100 per month. And if I cleaned three houses every Saturday, then after expenses and treating myself to a nice dinner every weekend, I could save an additional $600 per month."

Sell Your TVs
The most succinct tip I can give, in order to find ways of generating new income, is to sell every TV in the house. I got rid of my TV during one of my frequent moves in grad school. At first I went through psychological withdrawal, but now it would sicken me if someone put a TV in my house. I can't imagine how much it would destroy my productivity. People can still watch their favorite shows on the computer.

Build Up at Least a Month's Worth of Expenses in Cash
Now if a person is saving more each month, the obvious question is: How should those savings be used? I think the first step -- and no I'm not trying to sound like Dave Ramsay -- is to accumulate at least a month's worth of cash. (Depending on the person's preferences and habits, it could be best to put this cash in a can in the closet, in a bank checking account, or in a bank savings account.)

The point of doing this is to get out of the habit of living paycheck to paycheck. Such a lifestyle is bad for (at least) three reasons: Most obvious, it leaves a person vulnerable to even a minor setback. If there is an unexpected expense, or if the person gets laid off, then obviously a small cushion of cash would be crucial.

Yet beyond this obvious justification, there are two other reasons that building up at least a one-month window of cash balances is a vital, immediate step. First, it frees up more time, especially for a person who has followed the earlier steps and is now earning income from several sources. Rather than having to run to the bank every time a new check comes in the mail, and rather than having to go online and check the bank balance every other day to make sure nothing is going to bounce, a person with at least a one-month cushion can better afford to let the paychecks and bills accumulate, then deal with them in one fell swoop. This allows for the person to spend more time focusing on the business(es), rather than stressing out about cash flow.

The other main reason the paycheck-to-paycheck mentality is destructive for the entrepreneurial person, is that the person is more prone to goof off whenever he's done enough to "get through the month." But once that critical threshold has been extended past the one-month barrier, there is little difference between having enough to pay for one month versus two or three months. Once a person takes it for granted that he will have money left in his checking account even after paying all his bills for the month, that surplus will mysteriously begin to drift upwards with each passing month.

Tithe or Give to Charity
It seems counterintuitive, but when a religious person tithes (or when a nonreligious person gives to charitable causes) there is somehow more money each month to work with. For tithing -- where a person is supposed to give a specific percentage of income to the church -- I think it's because the practice forces a person to stay on top of his finances.

More generally, by focusing attention away from oneself, things become clearer and it's easier for a person to do the "responsible" things like avoiding impulse purchases and doing the extra work needed to bring in more income.

This last point is crucial for people who are suffering from depression and are in a financial hole. Part of what keeps them there is that, deep down, they don't think they deserve to live stress free like the other people they see around them, who somehow have their act together and don't let bills pile up on the kitchen table. By bringing in the church (or a charity that the person really respects), the depressed and financially beleaguered person can stop dwelling on self-loathing and instead focus on helping others.

Eliminate Variable-Rate Debt as Quickly as Possible
If a person already has a decent amount of cash on hand, I think the next goal should be to eliminate variable-rate debt as quickly as possible. The most obvious example is credit-card debt rolling over at an APR that moves with the prime rate. If the dollar crashes as many Austrian economists fear, we can expect massive jumps in interest rates. This will wipe out many people who thought they were doing just fine the month before.

Note that "eliminating" variable-rate debt doesn't have to mean paying off the balances. Using a new balance-transfer promotional offer, for example, might allow a person to lock in a fixed rate for a year or more.

I have written on these pages about the pros and cons of credit-card use. Unlike my other suggestions, this particular one -- namely to get out of variable-rate debt quickly -- is based on our current situation, where I believe there is a real danger of interest rates spiking with little warning.

Acquire Some Physical Gold and Silver Coins
Once a young person has accumulated at least a month's window in cash and has neutralized variable-rate debts, I think an excellent outlet for some of the saving each month is the acquisition of gold and silver coins. These don't need to be collector's items; in fact my favorite thing is "junk silver", because if the Big One comes it will be easy for other Americans to recognize US coins that were minted before the 1960s and have an easily verifiable silver content.

From an Austro-libertarian perspective, the other great benefit of buying at least some physical gold and silver is educational: This is what genuine, market-produced commodity money feels like.

Conclusion
The above tips are mostly common sense. Except for the warning about variable-rate debt, they are good ideas in any setting. Yet they are particularly important, especially for young people, in our present environment.

In closing, I want to stress that I am by no means a role model in this arena. I can write with confidence on the above matters precisely because I have seen firsthand what happens when you don't follow those guidelines. If you want to keep your hair, you will give serious consideration to my recommendations.

According to Developmental Psychology and Diana Baumrind;
More often than not; punitive style parenting results in children that are:
- Anxious, withdrawn, with an unhappy disposition.
- Angry, aggressive, and have low self-esteem.
- Poor reactions to frustration
- Assert their independence by misbehaving.
- Behave & feel that the world is hostile.
- Show rebellion / revolt.
- Become resentfully submissive & obedient.
- Hypercritical toward authority.
- Fear punishment more than others.
- Become sullen / obstinate / negativistic.
- Learn to be sly, secretive & dishonest to avoid punishment.
- Introverted.
In 1997 According to studies done by Straus, Sugarman, & Giles-Sims...
1. Kids raised with authoritarian discipline have
tendencies toward anger and depression.
That's because authoritarian child rearing
makes it clear to kids that part of them is not acceptable,
interfering with the development of stable internal happiness.

2. Kids raised with authoritarian discipline learn
that power is always right.
Later in life, they may not question authority when they should.
3. Kids raised with authoritarian discipline tend to be more rebellious.
To see how, simply consider how this works for most adults...
Sometimes this shows up as rebellion against ourselves. We may
harshly starve ourselves with a new diet and then rebel by binging.
Or sometimes we might rebel by geting angry at any critisism.
4. Children raised with an authoritarian parenting style tend to be
more angry and rebellious as teenagers and young adults.
But because they are not used to taking responsibility for themselves,
they have less self-discipline, and are more willing to fall into peer pressure,
or to avoid responsibility by saying that they were only "trying to fit in".

One large study showed that the more parents spanked children for
antisocial behavior, the more the antisocial behavior increased.
- The more children are hit, the more likely they are to hit others
including peers and siblings and, as adults, they are more likely
to hit their spouses. Hitting children teaches them that it is acceptable
to hit others who are smaller and weaker.
- Studies show that even a few instances of being hit as children
are associated with more depressive symptoms as adults.
- A landmark meta-analysis of 88 corporal punishment research
studies of over six decades showed that corporal punishment of
children was associated with negative outcomes including increased
delinquent and antisocial behavior, increased risk of child abuse
and spousal abuse.

How to Realize New Possibilities

What happens in the moment where life throws something at you, or nothing goes as you had planned? Youknow what happens. Instant negativity! Unhappiness over what is unwanted ruins the day. Why? Because now you're resisting the event, wanting nothing to do with it. And how many possibilities do you have in such moments when you resist life like this? None... except to grow more and more negative.

But have you ever had a moment where -- right in the middle of what seemed like a bad dream -- you experienced an instant of awakening? Where suddenly you realized there was more than one way to look at this event? That you didn't have to just look at it through your regret, resentment, or your despair over the loss of something? Then and there it dawns on you that life holds more possibilities than what that dark reaction is showing you. You can see how every moment of life holds many different "worlds" within it -- light and dark, high and low -- and how your moment-to-moment experience is decided by which of these worlds you choose to embrace.

Which brings us to this important key lesson: We cannot know any higher order of greatness, of freedom, than what our awareness of the world above us makes possible through our awakened relationship with it. The way in which we grow is that we grow into the world above ourselves. We realize new possibilities that have always been there, only we just couldn't see them because we were always looking in the wrong direction.

So much of what we need to understand about our lives, and why we have the fear and worry in them that we do, depends upon being able to see ourselves as we are. No frills, and no self-supplied chills either -- just doing the work it takes to remember that what we really want isn't power to control the dark conditions around us, but to be part of a new brighter and higher world within ourselves where fear and worry no longer exist.

Call for your Guardian Angel

Guardian
Angel Spell
A Guardian Angel is a lifetime companion that
will keep a lookout over your life. They will
keep you safe from misfortune, and steer you
towards opportunities and success. Cast this spell
regularly to keep your Guardian Angel on task.
EQUIPMENT
• A white candle
• A small white or clear crystal
• A small velvet or cloth bag to place the crystal in
PREPARATION
Prepare your casting circle, altar and any equipment.
Dim the lights very low or turn them off completely, light the candle, and set the
crystal and the bag in front of the candle.
CASTING
Begin by taking a quiet moment, with your eyes closed and your body still, to
concentrate and summon all your power and energy from the universe around you.
Take a deep breath in, and let it out slowly, feeling your power grow inside you and
spread throughout your body, and into your arms and legs.
You are going to use the crystal as a magical magnet to attract a Guardian Angel spirit
to watch over you. Angel spirits need to be regularly re-attracted with the crystal
magnet otherwise they can get bored or tired or distracted and wander off.
First you have to visualise the power of the crystal as a magnet.With the candle alight, hold the crystal in front of the candle about 2-3 feet away so
you can see the flame through the crystal.
See the light flickering behind the crystal, flowing through the crystal and sparkling
and dancing around the room. This is the magical magnetic power in its visible form.
Watch as it moves and flows and ebbs, and feel the power washing over you.
Once you can feel the magical energy, recite the following to begin to release the
power of the crystal magnet:
Crystal magnet in the candle light,
Your powers so strong, your magic so bright,
Release your energy to the universe wide,
And draw a Guardian Angel here to my side.
At this point, move closer to the candle flame so the light becomes brighter and
stronger, and the sparkles and reflections of the light through the crystal are clearer
and more powerful.
Turn the crystal in the light to find the best angle to express the magnetic and magical
energies. See if you can get the light to cast mystical shadows on the walls, and then
see if you can see any meaningful shapes or signs in the light patterns.
Recite the chant above again, twice more, each time moving a little closer to the
candle.
By now any nearby Angel spirits will have been attracted to you by the crystal and
the magic in the room, so it is time to command them to watch over you.
Guardian Angels who be here with me,
I command thee to watch me and keep me safe,
Blessed with luck and gifted with success,
So mote it be.
AFTERMATH
Close your eyes and take a moment to visualise your wishes and desires, and the
intended outcome of your spell. Make bright, sharp, vivid and loud pictures in your
mind to see exactly what you want to happen.
Place the crystal into the bag you have, blow out the candle and the spell is complete.
Carry the crystal with you to keep the Guardian Angel with you.

Yoga is an ancient Sanskrit word meaning “union.” The goal of yoga is to form a union between yourself and God. Most people think yoga is just stretching and strengthening the body. Actually, that is just one form of yoga technically knows as hatha (Sanskrit for sun and moon) yoga and its main purpose is to prepare the body and the mind for linking with the divine. Other forms of yoga have the names Raja, Bhakti, Tantra and Karma yoga, and all can be valuable.

There is a little-known yogic system called Swara Yoga or “brain breathing.” It requires no special clothes or difficult stretches and can be performed sitting, laying down, or even while standing. And it can change your life!

Modern theory has it that the hemispheres of the brain have different functions. This was known ages ago to the ancient Tantrics. Further, about every 90 minutes the focus of the brain tends to shift from one side to the other. This, too, was anciently known.

Which Side Are You?

You can see for yourself which side you are through the use of your breath. Use a finger to close one nostril and breathe through the other. Now repeat, but reverse the closed sides. On one side your breathing will be clearer—maybe slightly or quite obviously. That is the side that is strongest in you during this cycle.

If the left nostril is more open, it is an indicator that you are at a higher point for the right side of your brain. It carries the Ida or lunar energy and is great for doing such things as artwork, music, gardening, caretaking, service, meditating, and improving friendships. Mystically this is called watery energy. If the right nostril is more open it is an indicator that you are at a higher point for the left side of your brain. It carries the Pingala or solar energy and is ideal for such things as hard logical work, battling, medical work, hatha yoga, hunting, and all things of a fiery nature.

The best time for painting your masterpiece is during the Ida cycle. The best time to take an important true-false test would be during the Pingala cycle. Unfortunately, we can’t always choose the time to do something. Luckily, there is an easy way to rapidly change the cycle. Simply use your thumb to press into your armpit on the side where cycle of the energy currently resides. It will quickly change to the other side, a fact you can check by using the nostril test described above.

Note to teachers: This also explains why students can get fidgety or even unruly after about 90 minutes of work and why it’s good to take a break at that time.

Mastering the Mind

There is another aspect to Swara Yoga (“swara” is Sanskrit for a musical note) that is even more important. Normally, the change over from one energy to the other—Ida to Pingala—lasts about six minutes. It is at this point that you become balanced—left and right, male and female, magnetic and electric, lower self and higher self. When you are aware of this period, you can use it to balance your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual being. Luckily, you don’t have to wait for this period. You can create and extend it, allowing you to find peace, harmony, and unity with the Divine (yoga) as you reduce stress and increase creativity.

Here’s how:

1. Find a comfortable sitting position.
2. Place the tip of the index finger of your right hand just above your nose, between your eyebrows.
3. With the thumb, press against the right nostril, closing it. Inhale through the left nostril.
4. Release the thumb and press against the left nostril with your middle finger. Exhale through the right nostril.
5. Inhale through the right nostril.
6. Release the middle finger and press as before with the thumb. Exhale through the left nostril.

Now simply repeat this process. Practicing swara yoga for ten to twenty minutes daily will leave you happier, more peaceful, and with more strength of will to achieve your goals

Awaken the Character Meant to Be First

Character is the foundation of a human being's actions. Character is what determines the course of our life, and it is also why the world wobbles the way it does, because this planet is filled with human beings who believe that making others believe we have character is the same as having it. Where we go, what we do, all of the things that we treasure are all connected with this idea that has nothing to do with real character but with forwarding what we think our character is.

What kind of character do you have? Part of character is being willing to hold up the mirror to ourselves and really take a look. But we don't want to look at ourselves because if we look in the mirror and it shows us something we don't want to see -- everything that we are, all that we have, all that we've done -- what's it going to mean? So rather than look to see what is true, we'll put the mirror aside and look instead at a thousand pictures of the way we want to see ourselves.

The essence of character is what a human being is in relationship with. Constancy for example is a quality of character. Constancy means doing one thing all the way. The man or woman without character is a creature of circumstance -- the object of whatever thought or feeling passes through them. Look honestly at yourself: Do you have a constant character, or does every circumstance determine what you are? Is what you think about determined by what other people think about?

The measure of what a person is in relationship with is that they are able to put principle before person. What are you putting first all the time? What is your principal concern? Is it to be self-loving, self-interested, self-serving? Do you care nothing for what you are in relationship with as long as it satisfies?

We are meant to go through a transfiguration on this earth, a change internally that leaves our character like nothing it was before. We are meant to rise above this present character of "me first." To do so, we must learn to put principle before person. This means putting Truth first and ourselves last. Currently we put Truth first as long as it serves us to do so. There is no character, just the search for comfort. So our new intention is to go in a straight line, to be constant to the principle of Truth instead of to ourselves.

If you want to become a different order of human being, you have inside of you a true character that yearns to break out. You aren't supposed to spend your day thinking about money or worrying about what other people are worrying about. You're not supposed to spend your days serving yourself. You are intended to spend your days sacrificing that self for the higher principle called Character or Consciousness. That means regardless of how you feel about any situation, you put the Truth first instead of yourself.

Are you willing to learn about Real Life? Are you willing to call into question everything about yourself? Are you willing to doubt your present character? Are you willing to stand upon what you see when you're willing to look at your character? Are you willing to do without what you must if you see certain things that tell you that what you are embracing is destroying everything, including your chance to be a true human being? These are the things you have to ask yourself. It isn't hard to do. What's harder is to remain a human being without character.

Your life is being frittered away. Do you want to squander it? Then put principle before person! Understand as often as you can that you need to have one first, and that first is not something determined by your self that's created in any condition of the moment. How can you put Truth first? If nothing else, every day, at least make a new aim to watch yourself, to hold up the mirror and work. Do what you can do so Truth can do what it's meant to do for you... and it will.

Be Who you Are...

By Aine Belton ©

Pleasing people is a wonderful thing to do when done genuinely from the heart; to give and serve are beautiful expressions of the love that you are. Neither are what I’m referring to here, however.

The ‘people-pleasing virus’ actually hinders your capacity to give and serve, because it can compromise your integrity and risks placing being approved over being real and true. Furthermore, some people-pleasing can be a form of ‘giving-to-get’, and does not come from a place of thoughtfulness for another, but is really about you.

If you dilute yourself trying to please others inauthentically, or out of sacrifice, you are no longer honouring yourself, and if you are not honouring self, you will not be honouring another either.  The people-pleasing virus inhibits you from showing up and expressing your true colours.

YOU are the greatest gift you have to give others and the world – that’s why people will have attracted you into their life in the first place. You are enough just as you are!

You don’t help people by agreeing with them inauthentically, or tolerating something inappropriate out of fear, lack of self-worth, or sacrifice. Fear of judgment, rejection, losing someone, risking an argument, being disliked, being seen as ‘different’, etc., can deter people from being true to themselves and can feed the people-pleasing virus.

In all these cases, you are placing another’s opinion above your own, and above your principles and being true even, which reflects a lack of self-respect and self-esteem.

Disagreeing and saying no can at times be part of loving and respecting both yourself and another. What you tolerate in someone that is untoward, you enable, which ultimately does not serve them, or you.

When you show up as who you are, you discover who likes you for YOU. Some people may love you, and some may not. That decision may have less to do with you and more to do with them (particularly if they don’t know you, of course).

Not everyone likes celery, but fortunately celery doesn’t go changing to become an apple, as it has heaps of unique health gifts to share!

Be yourself. It’s why you’re here. There’s only one you!”

Celebrate your uniqueness. Don’t dim it through warping yourself into what you think other people want you to be or would approve of, for as soon as you diverge from who you are, you dull your shine and go off-centre.

The melody you will play most beautifully in this life is the melody of YOU, and this is your gift to the world. This is also why you are in another’s life and they are in yours. Share the music of your souls 

If you are still in the grip of the people-pleasing virus, that’s OK! We are all growing, healing and learning. Don’t judge yourself, or it. Pleasing-people can also come out of a desire to care and make others happy, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that!

To understand some of the roots of the ‘people-pleasing virus’, I will share some personal experiences. Your experiences may be very different, of course. I share these in case of any overlapping or related themes, and as always, discard anything that does not resonate.

Growing up I lacked self-worth, which I can trace back to a number of childhood experiences and parental patterns.

No parents are perfect, and even the very best parents may have a negative impact at times. If your upbringing instilled a belief that you were ‘not enough’ in some way, you may seek to attain that ‘enoughness’ through the approval and validation of others. Of course, this is a futile quest, and is one of the triggers of the people-pleasing virus.

Self-esteem comes from within: no amount of approval ‘out there’ will ever give it to you. You can though!”

Feeling unworthy, flawed, or not good enough, can lead to people-pleasing, or at least did with me.

When I was born my mother was depressed and apologised in later years for not really having wanted me or bonding with me after birth. When sourcing the impact of this in my consciousness with some regression-type meditations I experienced a sense of valuelessness, and a feeling that who I was was not enough.

I discovered a part of me also felt that my mother’s depression was my fault – that my existence was its cause. I believe that the people-pleasing virus I experienced in later years came, in part, out of an unconscious desire to rectify/compensate for these feelings.

If you suffer from the people-pleasing virus, are you trying to quench unmet needs, gain approval, or make-up for negative self-concepts and beliefs through external validation?

Another root of people-pleasing behaviour can be fear. As a child I remember being highly sensitive to other people’s feelings, as children are, especially pain and anger. This could, in part, be because my father had a lot of repressed anger and underneath that pain, and there was often a sense of treading on egg-shells with him.

Wanting to avoid ‘rocking the boat’ in later life, I found that I often did not express my feelings or voice my opinions, needs or wishes in relationships and in general.

I also ‘learned’ people-pleasing behaviour from my mother, who was better at giving than receiving (as many mothers are), and would often put other people’s wishes and needs before her own. I learned from this that it is more important to please others than yourself. This led to sacrificial and martyr roles in relationships.

People-pleasing, at least in my experience, can also stem from feelings of guilt, which may be hidden from conscious awareness.

My father was an alcoholic and I experienced a lot of guilt around not having been able to save him. This guilt wasn’t always conscious, but it reared its head through the relationships I would attract – often addicts of some kind. Dysfunctional though it was, a part of me felt responsible for their happiness in some way, which was as unhealthy for them as it was for me.

Feeling responsible for another’s feelings or reality (unless you personally impact them) is an untrue trap. It is also arrogant. It does not empower the person you feel responsible towards in anyway, let alone you.

These are some roots of the people-pleasing virus as I’ve experienced in my own life. I believe it’s important to compassionately understand them, hence sharing as examples.

I now have a deeper understanding of why I chose these experiences at a soul level, and the gifts they hold. Through our life experiences we can discover key insights, strengths and learnings. They can help us unveil more of our true selves, the love at the heart of our being, and the unconditional love of Source/God/Creator.

When you get to the roots of the ‘people-pleasing virus’, you will find that what is needed is greater self-love and self-value.

Be kind and compassionate with yourself. Give yourself what it is you desire from others. Fill yourself up from the inside out. Know that you are loved, loving and loveable, ever and always, and that you deserve all your heart desires.

When you’re self-approved you will be able to shine and share more of who you are, be radiant and happy, and live freely and openly. You will be able to give more genuinely, and help people through the presence and authenticity of your being, and the love and light that you are.

This is ultimately the best and truest way to please